So, I was counting on my college acceptances to tell me what my major should be; I applied to 14 schools for four different majors. The response has been a pretty resounding "NOT THEATRE" all around. I've been rejected from the theatre programs at Otterbein, NYU, Carnegie Mellon, BU, and USC. I got into Emerson, but only the BA program (I auditioned for the BFA).
I've always considered other majors, but I always came back to theatre. I tried out for competitive programs on purpose so I could get an objective analysis of my skill level and potential so I won't waste my time. I don't trust the evaluation of my performance by people I know. That's dominated by politeness, and to not compliment someone after a show is insulting. I know many people who are majoring in theatre who should not be doing so, and I don't want to be one of them.
It's all of these false compliments leading to people think they're much better than they are, which is a lot more harmful than telling them the truth: that they are, in most cases, average. Leading people to think that they're amazing is just not fair, especially when they're going into such a competitive field. And when they're getting a degree that won't do them a lot of good anywhere else. It gives people a distorted view of their skill level, which makes the later rejection much more crushing.
You try to ignore the compliments, because you know that most people don't deserve them. But then you get some good parts, a couple of awards, and you think that maybe they're not all lying. And you're pretentious enough to audition for prestigious programs, and they respond with a loud, unanimous "NO." Which means that you have to re-evaluate everything you had planned.
That's why compliments make me twitchy. They're deceitful, misleading, and ultimately misleading. I end up being torn between wanting to believe it, and knowing that it's a lie.
So, right here, right now, do your worst. Honest evaluation are always appreciated, by me at least. Tell me what you think I should do, what I should stop doing, that my nose is off-center, whatever. You can answer anonymously, but if you leave your name, I won't be angry no matter what you say. Pinky promise.
perhaps you are right. but just because someone compliments doesn't mean they are lying...they could be blinded by friendship, or ignorant of what skill truly is....I just mean to say I still think you're an amazing actress...as objectively as I can be, I don't know of anything more you need to do to be any better....either I'm wrong or those schools were. as I am more pretentious than you, I think it was the ladder.
ReplyDeleteThank you for responding!
DeleteI think that you are an above average actor. (not actress because actor is gender neutral, why do I always sidetrack?) Anyway, the thing being that there is a great difference between high school, college, and profession theatre. You kick ass and take names at the high school level, at Chantilly a good majority of us do. However who is to say that we will all be this good at a college and professional level? You are good at a high school level but you probably will not be up as high in a grander scale. It would be a long shot to participate in a theatre program and be very successful. I am not sure what the other three majors you are considering but I would heavily look into them. Just from what I see, it seems as if you fall back on theatre because you are so familiar with it. But I’m not you, so I don’t know the involvement of the other three considered majors in your life, or your proficiency and interest in them. I personally hope and dream that I can succeed in theatre, but I’m nothing amazing (to steal a line from a song,) hope is for presidents and dreams are for people who are sleeping. Just for now, because it will inevitably change in time, I am torn between majoring in psychology and philosophy, two subjects I am interested in, the former being a key to an oversaturated field which I will probably need at least a master’s to get a job in. And the latter being as useful as a coupon for RC cola. (Seriously, when is the last time you have seen any RC cola?) At best, I would get a job teaching comparative religion in some high school while I save up every penny to get a PhD in Philosophy so I could teach at some community college. Above all else I would recommend doing what you could see yourself doing happily ten years from now. I think you could do a theatre major, it may be harder than the other majors, or not, I obviously have no idea. Well I hope this helped in some way, although my terrible writing skills take away from the point, which I go so back and forth on, I even confused myself. I have realized that I have some heavy life evaluation to do as well. Thanks for reading this mess of an attempt at advice.
ReplyDelete-Chris Knarr
Thank you for responding! I had to delete my previous comment because yeah, but I appreciate the time you took to write this!
DeleteWell that comment was upsetting to read.....
ReplyDelete"at Chantilly a good majority of us [kick ass and take names]"
that may be the case when the people who go to see the shows are your friends and family.....I don't really think that is accurate. Many actors at 'Tilly are just acting. The reason I think you have something special is because you don't just 'act.' You actually take on a persona, become a character....that is something not many people can do, what you have is the natural talent. Anyone can learn to 'act' but you can't teach understanding and portraying human emotion, not naturally anyway. It's a shame the schools you applied to didn't see your talent but it'd be more of a shame for you to give up on acting. ):
~just my 2 cents........
Well, thank you. That's very nice of you to say. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but we'll see. Thank you for responding!
DeleteIt's one thing for a family to compliment their own child or others in public, but when we go home my family always talks about how great you were. I think you're an extraordinary actress, but I also thing that many extraordinary actresses (like books) slip through the radar. Think of it this way, Mrs. K's ex boyfriend was a communications major and still ended up as Raoul on Broadway because he loved it. If you really do love theater, it will find its way back to you, and you to it.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I do doubt that I even like it enough, but who knows. Thanks for taking the time to respond! I really appreciate it.
DeleteHey Amanda,
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful being in a room with you at Interlochen. I saw your post about this blog and was sad by your discouragement when I came on to read it. I never saw you perform, but the fact that you were at Interlochen studying theatre is a great accomplishment in itself! If theatre is what you are most passionate about, then don't let those colleges' answers stop you! Don't let anyone stop you! :D
-Kari
Thank you so much! I'm so sorry I never responded to your facebook messages; I was in the middle of dress rehearsals, and was like, "Oh, I need to respond to that, but I'm really tired so I'll do it next week," and then forgot. I left myself reminders on my phone and everything, and then it got to a point where I felt like it was more awkward to respond than to not respond. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm a terrible person. I really hope you're doing well, and that your college planning is going swimmingly! :)
DeleteDon't completely rule out theatre just because you weren't accepted to those programs. They are pretentious and obnoxiously selective, and can't possibly accept all of the well-qualified students. Perhaps you can minor in theatre or double major. You have a gift with acting, and I think you should make the best of it. However, since the theatre industry is so harsh and unpredictable, you should have something to fall back on.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Laina
Thanks for responding! I wouldn't let it bother me so much if I hadn't set it up as a test to see if I should spend my time on it. I'm trying to pursue a double major, but most schools I've spoken to say that it would be almost impossible due to the time commitment.
DeleteI hope you're doing well! Thanks again for responding!
Hey Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI just saw your blog and decided that I should start reading them. I'm been completely awful at transferring the fully written responses that I've written you into the mail, but that is a different issue. I only applied to 6 voice programs, and decided halfway through my audition process that I was going to cut out one that I had no desire to study at. I just got my rejection letter from McGill today on their online site, and while I really was hoping to study there, obviously that one is now out. I've heard from two other schools, only one of which I've deemed respectable. The other school lost any respect I might have given it when the lone teacher watching my audition started discussing other students at the school with my accompanist and eating her lunch while I sang. I was in your cabin for two years at interlochen, and I definitely fall under the group of friends whose compliments you may believe fall into the "deceitful and misleading" category. I want to apologize to you for this, while also telling you that I have a lot of respect for you, both as a performer, and as a friend. I personally believe that you are really talented, and that the schools who have offered you a resounding "NO" are losing a student with a lot of potential. Moral of this post: I know how you feel, because I'm stuck in this sucky audition process too, and I know how disappointing it is to believe that you are destined to be in a certain program at a certain school, and then be turned down. My only advice is this: Do not accept sciences at a school if you know that, for the rest of your life, you will be wondering what might have happened if you had pursued theatre. Also, remember that just because you may attain a Bachelor's degree in marine biology (or some other worthwhile cause), does not mean that you will be unable to do post-graduate work in theatre.
I miss you, and I hope that I will somehow get to see you this summer. Let me know if you want to talk, catch up and share anytime soon. You probably know who I am, by this point.
I'm sorry that some of your things aren't going super well. I also think you're really talented, and will do well with whatever you choose. I'm sorry this isn't a sufficient response, and that it took so long. It's been a pretty rough week. I really, really hope you're doing well, though! And let me know what you're planning for the summer. :)
DeleteHey Amanda, you beautiful person, you. I really appreciate your bravery. It takes a lot of guts to throw a question like this out to the cybersphere. I'd often like to do something like this myself. Anyway, here is what I think:
ReplyDeleteI don't think the decisions of these colleges should mean ANYTHING to you. YOU decide whether you do theatre. Some of those programs accept about 2% of their applicants! Anyway, whether those people, who sat behind a table and watched you for several minutes of several days of your life thought you belonged in their program doesn't really matter. It also doesn't mean they don't think you are talented. You are so smart, empathetic, and thoughtful that, really, I think you could be sucessful at anything. The school you attend doesn't determine your life. You could go to either of these schools, Mount Holyoke or U of I and end up incredibly sucessful as an actress. Afterall, you can always apply for a masters. I was just looking at where the actors at some of the top masters programs came from and a HUGE number were from one of the schools in the five college system. Check it out. It's really interesting. If you (disregarding the rejections) aren't yet certain that acting is what you want to do, go to a school where you are able to explore. There is no reason to decide whether you want a life in theatre yet if you aren't ready. What matters is that you are happpy doing what your doing. You are a very unique actor and a very unique person. I think you could be really sucessful as an actress. You certainly did some amazing things at Interlochen this past summer in Jane Eyre and in theatre topics. You should also remember that there are quite a few ways to be sucessful in theatre. We may aspire to be actors right now and realize later on that what we really love most is drama therapy or teaching theatre or directing or playwrighting or something. If you want to learn about theatre, learn about theatre. It doesn't have to be exclusive unless you want it to be. Just keep doing theatre until there is something else you want to do more. This is your life, Amanda. Get what you want out of it! Trust everything will work out!
Love,
Erdin
Thank you so much! You're such a nice person. I'm still weighing my options right now, but it would be awesome if we were five college consortium buddies! I hope everything is going really well for you, because you're awesome and crazy talented. :)
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