A Gaggle of Douches

You may be a douche if you:

• Walk slowly down the hallway with your friends, effectively preventing anyone from passing you
• Wear more than one necklace at a time
• Wear shorts even when it snows
• Take multiple pictures of yourself for the sole purpose of posing them to facebook
• Play music (car or headphones) loud enough for other people to hear it
• Wear more than two spritzes of perfume or cologne
• Wear white socks with your non-seasonal shorts
• Use the phrase "no homo"
• Comment on everything anyone says, ever
• Try to chat up "the ladies"
• Have had more than one romantic partner in the last three months
• Are on a first-name basis with a coach
• Have bros
• Make lists of douchey things people do

I typically evaluate how much I like a person based on a point system.  Points are added or taken away based on behavior, and my mood.  Of course, a single action can drastically change someone's point standing, but I find that this system helps to temper my responses, as it's difficult to drop or gain too much at one time.  Most people typically stay within a 20-point range, based on their average standing.  Just in case anyone was interested in how I like to organize my liking of people.