So, this past week I performed an experiment to determine if I still hate the beach. My experimental design diagram:
Independent variable: Setting, ie, beach vs. not the beach
Dependent variable: My level of ill will towards the world upon exposure to the beach, as compared to my normal level of malaise.
Hypothesis: If the beach is still beachy, then I will hate it.
Number of trials: One. No more than that will be tolerated.
Conclusion at the end of experiment: Dude, the beach still sucks.
I know I shouldn't have even gone, but I hadn't left the house in two weeks, and was drowning in ennui. Some of our family friends invited us to spend the weekend with them in their beach house, which was very kind, and what happened next is not their fault.
Factors involved in quantitative analysis:
1. Quantity of sand kicked into eyes by small child; five (5) grains minimum
2. Quantity of sunscreen introduced to eyes upon attempting to remove sand granules.
3. Time between introduction and removal of foreign substances from eyes; two (2) hours.
4. Five (5) hours spent uncomfortably undressed in front of strangers
These factors, added to the degree of sunlight and general unpleasantness of sand, have warranted the conclusion that the beach is a very not awesome place to be.
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