The Night the Internet Died

Halloween is fast approaching, children, so gather 'round the computer screen for a tale of horror, one of which you will never hear the like.  Though it pains me much to recount, I feel this story must be told, for it is true, dear friends, yes!  Too true indeed, and the legend must be passed so that a day such as this may never dawn again.  This is the story of infinite woe, of fear, love, and redemption.  This is the most terrifying story the world has ever known.  THIS.  IS.  THE NIGHT THE INTERNET DIED.

I shall record my recollections thusly:

October 24, 2012.  11:00 PM Central time
To begin my account, I was, as is my wont, sitting upon my bed perusing the various delights of the internet.  Innocent in my unawareness, I pressed the new tab button, hoping to find some new wonder on tumblr.  But, when I pressed the enter key, the screen filled with these very words:

"Internet has no connectivity.  Please check your computer settings or internet connection".

Dear readers, at this time, I did not know of the darkness of the times to come!  Still unaware of my fate, I did not yet feel fear.  Instead, I checked that my ethernet cable was plugged into my mac air adapter, which was plugged into my computer.  They were all still firmly linked.  I pressed refresh on the page, but the message remained firmly on the screen.

11:05 
The internet is still broken.

11:10
After eating half a box of sour patch kids and playing Tiny Zoo on my phone, the internet is still broken.

11:15
Dispair starts to set in.  I am lost in a sea of solitude, adrift in swiftly shifting currents with no salvation in sight.

11:30
I have played Bubble Mania, Dragon Story, and Tiny Monsters on my phone.  The internet is still broken.

11:40
I try using my roommate's ethernet cable to make sure the problem isn't with my cord.  Dear god, what have I become?

11:43
The darkness is becoming more present every minute.  I use the 4G on my phone for internet, but the connection is slow and the data plan is limited.  My resources will surely be diminished by sunrise.

12:00
Have spent the last half hour crying in the fetal position.  The internet is still broken.

12:15
Brushed my teeth.  Flossed.  Did the dishes.  The internet is still broken.

12:20
I don't know that I can go on much longer like this.  Surely this must be the deepest level of hell.

1:00
The reproving face of my computer screen mocks my dispair.


The next five hours pass in much the same way.
A sleepless night was spent in constant agony, the divinest torture known to the living.  As the dawn broke with no sign of connectivity, I felt sure that all was lost.

TO BE CONTINUED...