A few weeks ago, I, in my youthful innocence, took a nap in the afternoon and slept through the dining hall's operating hours.
"This is no problem," thought I, "I shall simply order myself a pizza."
And thus I made my order, placing it online so as to avoid having to actually interact with people. I gave them my dorm name, and my dorm's street address. I paid online, and added a 20% tip, because I'm always afraid that people will spit on my food if I don't tip enough. Then I was simply left to wait. I received an email confirmation of my order, which stated that I should get my food in about two hours.
"Oh, my," thought I, "that is rather a long time. But, no matter. The deed is done, and now I have naught to do but wait. I shall simply watch reruns of old sitcoms to pass the time."
I waited two hours. And then I waited an hour more. And then my phone rang.
Me: Hello.
Pizza guy (PG): Hello.
Me: ... is this about my pizza?
PG: Yes.
Me: I'll be right down to get it.
PG: No.
Me: I'm sorry?
PG: I mean, what's your dorm?
Me: Allen Hall.
PG: Right. Is that near Florida Avenue Residence?
Me: No, it's not near that...
PG: What intersection are you on?
Me: Gregory and Dorner.
PG: Right... Near Green Street?
Me: No, it's pretty much the opposite of Green Street... It's 1005 W. Gregory?
PG: Right. I'm not really sure where I am now.
Me: Do you know where CRCE is? Allen's next to that.
PG: No.
Me: Okay. Do you know where the fire station is?
PG: No. Hang on... You live in Bromley, right?
Me: No. Allen.
PG: Oh, yeah, okay, right. I can see a bunch of stores, can you tell me where I am?
Me: Um, what sort of stores?
PG: Oh, never mind, I'm past those now.
Me: Do you know where Lincoln Avenue Residence is?
PG: Sort of, I think so, yeah.
Me: Allen is on the other side of that. It's one building, with LAR on one side and Allen on the other. So if you can find LAR, Allen is just on the other side. Okay?
PG: Yeah, okay. I'll be there soon.
This conversation literally took over 25 minutes. I have the phone records to prove it. I went downstairs to wait for the pizza to arrive. Ten minutes later, my phone rang again.
PG: Um, hi, so, I'm at FAR...
Me: No, you're looking for LAR, not FAR.
PG: Oh. Okay. Well, I'll be right there.
Me: I'll just stay on the line until you're here, okay?
PG: Right, okay. So I'm outside Allen right now.
Me: Looking outside No, you're not.
PG: Are you sure? Because it says LAR.
Me: Right. Allen is on the other side of LAR. If you're at LAR, you want to find the opposite side of the same building.
PG: Wait, I'm coming in right now, I don't see you.
Me: That's because you're going into LAR. I live in Allen, which is at the intersection of Gregory and Dorner, 1005 W. Gregory Dr.
PG: Oh, wait, there's a lady here.
Mumbled conversation
PG: She says this is LAR, and Allen is on the other side of the building.
Me: Yes.
PG: The place with the circular drive?
Me: Yes.
PG: Oh, I was there 40 minutes ago! I'll be right there.
He pulls up in an old pick-up trick about five minutes later and screeches to a stop. Out of the truck steps a rather angry middle aged man.
PG: You could have just told me it was at the end of Gregory! I've delivered pizzas here hundreds of times.
Me: Okay. Well. Thanks.
And off again he went, presumably to his next adventure.
My pizza was cold.
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