What? Irony? Don't be silly.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF FACEBOOK:

Listen, all ye who read, to the Commandments soon to come.  For if thou dost listen, thou mayst see the errors of thine way, and may thus form a Covenant with the Facebook.

THE FIRST: Thou shalt not update thine status more than once a day.  If thou dost, thou mayst see that no one doth care.
THE SECOND: Thou shalt not post passive-aggressive statuses directed towards one person.  For yea, all dost know to whom it is directed, and all shalt know that thou art petty.
THE THIRD: Thou shalt not double post to thine Facebook and thine Twitter.  If one dost want to follow thine Twitter, one wouldst follow it.  If one dost follow both, then one hast already seen thine update.
THE FOURTH: Thou shalt not update thine status to tell all what thou didst have for lunch.  To post about dinner is only goodly on occasion.
THE FIFTH: Thou shalt not beg for attention by calling thyself fat, ugly, or posting pictures that doth mark one as a whore.  To do so displeases thine friends, and they mightn't wish to respond to your desperation.
THE SIXTH: Thou shalt not post thy political opinion.  That is why thou dost have a blog.
THE SEVENTH: Thou shalt not friends those to whom thou dost not have a connection.  To do so marks thee as a creep.
THE EIGHTH: Thou shalt not converse on a picture or status in which others are tagged.  To do so sends notifications to all, which doth displease them, and thou shalt be removed from the immortal Friends list.
THE NINTH: Thou shalt not post pictures or statuses about events to which all were not invited.  For though thine Christmas party mayst be fun, these doth mean that not all who see it are liked enough to be invited.
THE TENTH: Thou shalt not stalk thine ex.  Yea, this is the most difficult of all the commandments, but to do so wilt make thou angry.  Forsooth, thou it mayst be fun to mock thy ex-boyfriend's stupid mutton chops, this doth make thou petty.  Even if they did look really stupid, and thine ex art not more than a large santorum stain, this doth breed ill-will, and wilt lead to the breaking of the other commandments.

If thou dost disobey these commandments, then thou art condemned to be spoken about behind thine back.  For when thou dost post thine personal information, then thou art inviting commentary from all, and leading to further dramatic interactions.  Upon repeated infractions, then thou mayst be removed from the covenant with the Facebook, and art condemned to dwell in the myspace, where all the damned reside.